


Wanted: One Observant Assistant

by ermengarde



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 07:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Brendon is unobservant, as co-dependent with Spencer as it's possible to be without being surgically attached, and finally realizes that Ian's maybe trying to <em>tell him something</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanted: One Observant Assistant

**Author's Note:**

> Set during Ian's time as Panic's tiny touring guitarist. I'm delighted that he's off doing his own stuff now, but will never not miss the pictures of Ian and Brendon being half-nude together on stage.

Brendon is not very observant. He's, like, totally fine with that - he's gone through phases of _trying_ to be, but it's just not part of his natural make up and he mostly figures that most people can't do back flips and back flips are awesome, so he's totally down with being an unobservant person who can back flip. He mostly outsources his observing to Spencer. Spencer's really fucking good at that shit and he's been a major part of Brendon's life since they were kids so it's all good. Brendon does extra back flips for Spencer to make up for it (he's not sure that Spencer _knows_ that's why Brendon flips off of his drum riser, but it totally is).

 

If he could work out how to word the ad without sounding like a gigantic creep (he's cool with sounding like a gigantic creep, but it makes Spencer go purple when Brendon lets his creepiness out on the internet anywhere other than twitter. Purple is not a good color for Spencer) then he'd totally hire an assistant to do the observing shit for him (it's not like he lives in Spencer's pocket quite so much anymore. He sometimes goes for several hours without speaking to Spencer when they're not on tour, writing or recording. Last week they didn't see each other for _two days_ and they only called three times, and barely sent any texts at all, just, like, sixty or something, and Brendon forgot to eat dinner, which was totally Spencer's fault.) but anytime he tries to write an ad he can't work out how to start, and then he gets stuck down a rabbit hole in his brain, trying to work out how you actually interview someone to see if they're observant, and then all sorts of things go wrong, like he sets the coffee maker on fire, and Spencer gets cross, again, and starts shouting about how it wouldn't hurt Brendon to _pay attention_ sometimes, and it's all a great big enormous disaster and entirely not worth it because Brendon _still_ can't work out how to word the want ad anyway. Brendon's life is very hard sometimes.

They're in the middle of a bunch of mini tours right now, so Spencer's totally there, like, 900% of the time _anyway_ so Brendon doesn't really need an observing assistant right now. Spencer will tell him what he needs to know. It's awesome. Brendon's life is awesome.

 

It had taken a while, after the split, to get used to looking over and seeing Ian where Ryan was supposed to be. Ian's awesome though, and he's totally on team noshirt, which is fucking fantastic - not that... Dallon's awesome too, he’s really good on the bass and he's great on stage and all that shit (and tall, which is useful when Wal-Mart put the Capri Suns on the top fucking shelf, what's _that_ shit all about) and he totally lets Brendon cuddle him and stuff, but stage clothes against sweaty, bare skin aren't all that nice. Cuddling noshirt Ian is smooth and soft and _better_. Also Ian is tiny and pocket sized, and Brendon feels like a giant next to him, which is not something that happens to Brendon very often (except when he's eating broccoli, obviously. Broccoli mostly sucks, but it's like _tiny trees_ which makes Brendon a lot happier than it probably should. Brendon does not play with his broccoli anymore, he does not need the "how old are you? _five_?" talk again, thank you).

 

But it's, like, cool, they're cool, the show's coming together, their playing's tight and they have fun, it's awesome, like, TOTALLY, and all the girls scream when he pulls Ian against his chest. Brendon likes it when the girls scream; it makes him feel like God.

Brendon’s life is currently spectacular and he’s surrounded by people who make it EVEN BETTER.

Except Spencer insists on swapping over the room allocations on their third hotel night so that Brendon can’t finish whooping Dallon’s ass at _Dance Dance Revolution_ (they’re not allowed to play it on the bus any more, Zack gets a tight, angry face when they try, and says Brendon would be no use at his job with a broken neck and can they just stop being morons please). Brendon likes rooming with Spence, but he was TOTALLY beating Dallon and Spencer looks like he wants to have a _serious conversation_ and that never ends well. He’s probably managed to miss something, like, he’s been singing with no pants on or something (UNdeliberate no pants. Spencer’s pretty good about letting the deliberate no pants slide). It’s very hard not to feel like he’s walking into the Principal's office when he pushes open the door to their room; Brendon hates it when Spencer is cross.

Spencer waits until Brendon’s had a shower and their room service dinner has arrived. Spencer made Brendon order a salad, but he also let him get ice cream, so it’s fine.

“B,” Spencer looks at him, waiting for him to stop chewing before he continues. “Are you...” Spencer goes a little pink. “Do you like Ian?”

Huh? Of fucking COURSE he likes Ian. Ian’s fucking awesome. “Yes. What the fuck?”

Spencer shakes his head. “No, Brendon. Do you _like_ Ian, check yes or no?”

Oh. Ohhhhhh. Hmm. “Eh.”

“I know you sometimes like boys, and...” Spencer trails off. Spencer still hasn’t really recovered from walking in on him and Ryan way back at the start...Brendon’s not sure that Ryan ever really did, either.

“Yeah,” Brendon smiles. “Sometimes. Or girls, girls are good too.” Brendon pretty much just likes PEOPLE. People are awesome.

Spencer rolls his eyes. “Bren. I know you’re an oblivious fuckwit sometimes but you’ve been flirting with Ian _for weeks_ , I wanted to know if this was another situation where I need to start knocking on the bus to avoid being scarred for fucking life by the sight of your dick.”

“Hey! My dick’s really nice, don’t insult my dick.” Brendon glares at Spencer. “You didn’t even see MY dick anyway.”

“No. Nonononononononononononononono. Not having this conversation. No.”

“You started it.”

“No, I asked you about Ian, and you _still_ haven’t answered me.”

“Hmmm.” Brendon thinks about it. “He’s nice and smooth and his hair is fucking epic.”

“But do you _like_ him?” Spencer’s going purple again.

“Uhhh. Yeah, I guess? I mean, I don’t want to, like, go steady or anything, but yeah, I....Hmmmm.” Brendon starts REALLY thinking about it... Ian’s small and compact - like STRONG - and he’s got some really fucking gorgeous ink and he kind of just.... _collapses_ onto Brendon on stage like he’s maybe a little bit subby and that could be fun and.... “Yeah. Yeah I _like_ him.” Brendon smiles at Spencer. Spencer bangs his head off of the table, only just missing his salad.

“Good, glad we got that cleared up.” Spencer mutters to his knees. He’s lucky that Brendon’s hearing is so good.

“I should tell him.”

“Uhhh.”

“Or I could just kiss him, I guess, I mean, we kind of already...” Brendon waves his hands around, sketching out the shape of Ian’s ass. Brendon squeezes it pretty regularly.

Spencer groans. He’s still sitting with his forehead on the table. “No sex on the bus. It’s a _rule_.”

“Hmm?” Brendon’s not really listening to Spencer any more, he’s going over all the times that Ian’s sat on his lap, or wiggled his ass in Brendon’s face, or FUCK! He _asked Brendon to help him with a riff_ the other day and Ian’s a fucking amazing guitarist so there’s no way that was an actual problem for him. “Ian’s been hitting on me THIS WHOLE TOUR.”

“Yes.”

“And I didn’t notice.”

“No.”

“I could have been having sex THIS WHOLE TIME.”

Spencer makes a noise like a dying bagpipe. “Yes Brendon. Probably.”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?”

Spencer starts banging his head gently off of the table, rattling the silverware and beer bottles.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Wanted: One Observant Assistant](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1738091) by [dapatty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapatty/pseuds/dapatty)




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